the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Randomize
