cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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