I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
