super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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