I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
