**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
