Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
