Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
