I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
