break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
