btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize