I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Randomize
