So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
