I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
