I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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