why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
