how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
