Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
