I wish I could punch you in the face.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
