Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
