I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
