I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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