My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign