Texts From Last Night

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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential

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  (330): I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential http://tfl.nu/2wmk
  Replies (5) Good night (3204) Bad night (1088)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.

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  (704): Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people. http://tfl.nu/g4iv
  Replies (6) Good night (3745) Bad night (908)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.

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  (705): My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry. http://tfl.nu/aval
  Replies (4) Good night (2444) Bad night (1008)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  I cannot believe I said bareback movement...

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  (925): I cannot believe I said bareback movement... http://tfl.nu/eax3
  Replies (6) Good night (1492) Bad night (917)
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  (714): View more from California

  I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.

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  (714): I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time. http://tfl.nu/xqih
  Replies (6) Good night (734) Bad night (1589)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.

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  (309): JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap. http://tfl.nu/l0kn
  Replies (8) Good night (2227) Bad night (661)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.

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  (973): Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle. http://tfl.nu/gy9y
  Replies (16) Good night (643) Bad night (1334)
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.

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  (571): My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have. http://tfl.nu/0vrk
  Replies (3) Good night (1166) Bad night (628)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group

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  (708): you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group http://tfl.nu/bihz
  Replies (12) Good night (1486) Bad night (675)
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel

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  (209): Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel http://tfl.nu/1v3g
  Replies (15) Good night (1379) Bad night (492)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!

  (1-803): View more from South Carolina

  Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.

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  (803): I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids! (1-803): Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew. http://tfl.nu/h7pj
  Replies (6) Good night (2012) Bad night (677)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?

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  (515): When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education? http://tfl.nu/w56v
  Replies (2) Good night (1019) Bad night (400)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.

  (1-405): View more from Oklahoma

  I can't even make a guess how that goes.

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  (405): No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved. (1-405): I can't even make a guess how that goes. http://tfl.nu/9wcc
  Replies (3) Good night (415) Bad night (438)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off

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  (401): i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off http://tfl.nu/b0hl
  Replies (2) Good night (685) Bad night (426)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.

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  (248): We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through. http://tfl.nu/hn3l
  Replies (0) Good night (546) Bad night (222)

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