Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven

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(978): i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven http://tfl.nu/9auj

Replies (32) Good night (13115) Bad night (796)
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(315): View more from New York

Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.

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(315): Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great. http://tfl.nu/l6zl

Replies (9) Good night (3155) Bad night (489)
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(859): View more from Kentucky

I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever

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(859): I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever http://tfl.nu/61m6

Replies (33) Good night (6140) Bad night (830)
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(818): View more from California

I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.

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(818): I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning. http://tfl.nu/ecmy

Replies (23) Good night (3190) Bad night (877)
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(704): View more from North Carolina

Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.

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(704): Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker. http://tfl.nu/w3ss

Replies (30) Good night (7711) Bad night (1011)
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(731): View more from Tennessee

who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.

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(731): who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you. http://tfl.nu/e0pj

Replies (39) Good night (5188) Bad night (2206)
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(252): View more from North Carolina

He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..

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(252): He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it.. http://tfl.nu/x7yt

Replies (20) Good night (1499) Bad night (5886)
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(504): View more from Louisiana

I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee

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(504): I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee http://tfl.nu/ouc6

Replies (23) Good night (5733) Bad night (913)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...

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(908): At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ... http://tfl.nu/ikiv

Replies (10) Good night (1160) Bad night (1398)
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(503): View more from Oregon

Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.

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(503): Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in. http://tfl.nu/pa8o

Replies (7) Good night (1750) Bad night (556)
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(760): View more from California

I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.

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(760): I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level. http://tfl.nu/vn8c

Replies (2) Good night (583) Bad night (328)
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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML

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(780): If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML http://tfl.nu/m3i8

Replies (8) Good night (1437) Bad night (369)
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(727): View more from Florida

You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs

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(727): You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs http://tfl.nu/7zsc

Replies (2) Good night (427) Bad night (170)
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(214): View more from Texas

I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.

(469): View more from Texas

I have the flu.

(214): View more from Texas

I don't give a shit

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(214): I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now. (469): I have the flu. (214): I don't give a shit http://tfl.nu/yb1n

Replies (12) Good night (1161) Bad night (267)
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(214): View more from Texas

NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.

(469): View more from Texas

BP at your house from now on.

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(214): NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off. (469): BP at your house from now on. http://tfl.nu/i1e8

Replies (0) Good night (538) Bad night (175)

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