I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
21 Guys Share Their Insane Stripper Stories
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
27 Reasons Why Men Need To Moan More During Sex
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.