I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.