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I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
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