What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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