you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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