Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
