And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
