You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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