On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Buhtt sex?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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