I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
