i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
