I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
