I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
