You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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