some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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