the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
