I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
