Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
