I hope mine doesn't look like that
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
