One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I lost the right to judge tonight
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
