dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
