so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
