I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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