Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i already hear my dad disowning me
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
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I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
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When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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