he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
