Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
