Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
