i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
