every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
