yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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