girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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