Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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