I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
