Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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