...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
