her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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