I need to stop coming to work sober
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
