so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
