I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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