y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize