Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
