i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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