1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
