It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
