if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
