Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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