I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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