She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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