Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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