I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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