On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
