hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
my shit smells like andre
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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