okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
