i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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